“Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more.” — Oscar Wilde
To follow this series, read these earlier posts…
Forgiveness is not an ability, it is a willingness. And the reason I’m intentionally using the word “willing” instead of “choice” is because many choices we make on a daily basis are simple. What to wear, eat for dinner or do after work. However, there are several choices we face in life that carry more weight and take a lot of “will” to rightly make. Accepting and forgiving are among the heaviest. So, back to forgiveness (… forgiveness! Even if, you don’t love me anymore…).
If you are practicing this kind of radical acceptance of yourself because you feel stuck, it is very likely that what you see in the mirror is far from easy on the eyes! (and I don’t mean your physical appearance. More so your heart, mind and soul.) That is why I find it extremely important in this process. To totally accept the most undesirable parts of yourself, you must also be willing to forgive yourself for them!
We are all made up of parts we can and cannot control. This is the reason it is often best for both acceptance and forgiveness to happen simultaneously. For what we have no control over, we must be willing to accept. For what we do have control over, we must forgive ourselves for where we lack self-control. During this process, its easy to have thoughts or feelings of unworthiness. And I won’t lie, this is going to take hard work. So remember this: who you are and your self-worth are not defined by your thoughts or feelings!
I remember how difficult it was to first forgive myself like it was yesterday. I had no concept of what being forgiven really was and simply believed I wasn’t worth forgiving. That was my false reality. I had forgotten what Paul wrote in the Word of God. He said that as soon as I try to prove my worth by the things I do, I have fallen from grace. I now have this vision of grace as this narrow and high pedestal. At different times I see myself literally falling off, hanging by one hand or flat on my face at my weakest right on top. And I have learned that at my weakest, the very grace and forgiveness I try to earn is already there… waiting for me to accept it.
You are Free to forgive!