Do I have your attention yet? I hope! I’m not referring to the types of irresponsible behaviors you may be thinking about right now. Like… Staying up all night when work is at 6a.m. Getting a girl pregnant and skipping town. Skipping the final class before finals because going to the beach on this glorious day is irresistible. Just a couple of examples. That’s not what this is about! Keep reading. Find out what I mean.
Take a minute and think about how being “realistic” or “responsible” has kept you from the life you want. Are you trying too hard to accomplish what your creative spirit will never thrive in? Do yourself a favor. Stop that. Right now.
Before anything else, define your core values!
What do you believe? What are the top values that define who you are? What is most important to you?
I have always been a people-pleaser. So, this topic really hits home for me! Being realistic and responsible has forced me to settle for mediocre circumstances and opportunities. I once believed I didn’t have a choice. I was constantly pressured to do something now. That I had to make decisions about my life as soon as the question arose. This caused me to make a ton of decisions based on others “realistic” and “responsible” expectations, even when I had very little confidence in them.
So not only was I giving away my life to the direction of others, but I was relying on their confidence in their values and beliefs instead of my own. Eventually I lost sight of what my own values and beliefs about life really were. I was a wreck and had no idea how to know where to go next.
I spoke of pressure before. It comes from all different directions. And for the longest time, I thought it was healthy to yield to it. I learned the hard way that nothing is further from the truth. Dont get me wrong, it is always a good thing to set high goals and tight deadlines. But, the number one pressure I once faced on a daily basis was guilt. When I wasn’t doing what others were doing, when I wanted to say”no” (which I never did), when I had a different opinion, when I could be happy and optimistic, when I was angry, when I was hurt by someone… and this list could be a post of its own. I had the distorted belief that none of that was allowed. Guilt began to consume my soul until it almost cost my life.
I had allowed the everyday pressures of life to control me because of my total lack of self-esteem! That makes me responsible for this. I had not yet defined my own core values, so I wasn’t aware of what I was saying yes and no to. You see? Defining your values gives you the ability to make any decision without hesitation. It makes your journey less complicated and stressful. When you know your values, you can open up your heart and show the whole world what they are. There are no limitations to your imagination or creativity. When you have a choice, big or small, you will now know which answer best fits who you are! Start saying “NO” to assumed responsibilities, and say “YES” to anything and everything that clearly defines your true self!
Destroy your dream-list!
I thought I was supposed to be married by now. I thought I was supposed to have a great job with a couple good degrees and maybe a child on the way. I thought my life was over because it wasn’t going the way I planned. It wasn’t going the traditional way of my southern culture… So I was ready to die.
Doesn’t that sound a bit dramatic? It is the absolute truth! That is how I really felt. Not only had I not done what I planned, but I had more distorted beliefs telling me that “it’s always going to be this way” or “I will never be good enough” and even “I’m not worth it.” If you have ever felt that way, know this: You are not alone! You are not alone. You are not alone! You are not alone.
Trying to check-off your old aimless dream-list, is a hopeless fight. Stop assuming responsibilities, yielding to boring obligations, and escape the confinement of being realistic!
Until you know yourself, who you really are from the inside out, every dream you have had been planted there by your attraction to who someone else really was. Study your true core values. Meditate on them, post them on your mirror, or make them your wallpaper for your computer, smart-phone, iPad/Pod, etc.
Do whatever it takes to be confident in who YOU are, and live the life of YOUR dreams!